Just The Same

It’s two steps forward and thirteen back,

just enough hope to think…maybe,

but then reality strikes,

and drives me to the point I no longer want to be sober,

I want to numb everything,

but there’s no escape there either…

not really,

just for a few fleeting moments,

moments when pain succumbs to peace,

and almost happiness emanates from within…

almost…

then it’s over,

and before you say it,

Jesus isn’t the answer,

just another distraction,

another addiction that only other addicts can stomach,

words aren’t the answer either,

they’re close…

so fucking close…

but then they stop flowing,

and all that’s left is the ugliness they disguised,

the “inspiration” that birthed all the wondrous writings abandon you too,

and there it is…

right there…

abandonment…

what comes around,

goes…

not around,

just goes…

away,

away from me,

attachments lead to suffering…

letting go of everything I fear to lose,

they’re already gone…

but the pain remains,

just the same…

and I remain unchanged…after all

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch